How to Be A Modern Porn Star

The rise of social networks drastically changed the way we see porn stars. Seemingly inaccessible women became our virtual girl friends, through their Tumblr, Twitter, their blogs, they share part of their lives to help us procrastinate better in front of our computer. Some tell stories of people who left their girlfriends in order to stay tune on their computer to check out the last booty pictures that can bring the sunshine back on their sad screen.

We, Le Tag, scroll through miles and miles of Jessie Andrews, Zoe Voss, Dana Dearmond or Lou Charmelle’s timelines. We never get bored and still love them as much as when we discovered them the first time, even if it’s the 150th burrito picture by James Deen or the 1380th “Duckface+Victory” combo from Kritsina Rose in front of her mirror. That’s why we decided to play the game of a porn valley actress willing to offer to a pornstar Junior some advice on “How To picture a perfect day”!

A pornstar is a girl like any other, she sleeps at night, which obviously leads to waking up few hours later. First reflex: a picture of eyes half opened for all the fans wishing they could wake up next to them. Little issue, here in France, we have something close to a 9 hours time difference with L.A., so when we receive the picture of her smooth awakening, we’ll probably be yawning at the office wishing we could get a nap at 4:20 pm. Sync FAIL.

Tough awakening :(

Dressed up, fresh and clean, now it’s the time for Kristina’s favorite, the classic picture in front of the mirror. You’ll need a big mirror, a customized iPhone and an appropriate duckface. Little advice for beginners : in order to catch the lens, try to look at the bottom of your phone and not your feet, or it will look ugly. And most of all, don’t forget the essential bunny bumper, avaiblable on Amazon for 12 euros.

Duckface + Victory + Rabbit Case = Hit Combo

Time flies when you chill at home with nothing else than your panties on, so now it’s time to fill your belly at the local taco place. Some go for quality, others for quantity, fajitas fly high and burritos dance around the table. If you don’t have any ideas, a slice of pizza will do the trick. Stay fit and eat a lot of junk food, be modern or change your job .

An egless pizza is a sin

Day goes by in L.A while gossips go hard between BFFs. Best time to show who owns this dirty game. For this, pitch a little screenshot of your text exchange on twitter for everyone to see who your girls are. Don’t forget the useful application Emoji in order to perfectly express your feelings, a good mix of smileys and you show the world how funny and tech savvy you are.

Me and my Pornkid <3

Let’s play with your kitty, no not that one, the real one, the little star of your life. Cat+Internet=EXTRAWIN. (here it’s a dog to put on some change). Girls are happy, Boys melt, it’s the whole core of this business. Internet is for porn and lolcatz.

2 CUTE 4 U !!!

It’s time to perform like a boss. Problem : your tummy is still full, so to avoid yawning on the set it’s better to sleep a little . A short nap with your panties on will lead to a twitpic of your booty a few minutes later. Nap and a boner, classic of the classic that will never go out of fashion, and better than any coffee.

Chill-out

You wait for your turn, joking with the crew members, they’re funny but a little clumsy. While getting DM from girl friends and other hundreds mentions of some random nerds, you take a little music break. And if you can say a word to Tyler the Creator, and get all the hipster community to run for you, just do it. You can also put on some Kyuss and get some more desert cred’.

Only 8% of battery left, not enough for a run through the desert

Another shooting day in the porn valley, you’re everyday life. You’re having an ice cream in the hallway? Why don’t you take a picture to feed your tumblr? That’s the way it works, fans want to have a look at your last pair of sneakers; and at least it can arouse those foot fetishes following you.

Dedicate to my Paul Smith fetishes

As the sun goes down on the city, you go meet up with some friends for a crazy girl night out. Time for you to rest and laugh with some beers, and go for a last twitpic just in case.

Wiv’ Ma BFF Pornkid Pornkid <3

Originally translated from this post by Guilhem Malissen.

No comments Leave a comment

Leave a comment